


The Beauty in my Disasters

by TheEquestrian



Series: Late Night Confessions [1]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Confessions, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-12
Updated: 2016-02-12
Packaged: 2018-05-19 21:41:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5981824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheEquestrian/pseuds/TheEquestrian





	The Beauty in my Disasters

Tears well up in my eyes again, as they do so often after midnight. Somehow the serenity of nightfall summons my eyes to bleed, even when all is radiant and right.

_But is it truly all right?_

I sit up in the deep blue darkness with my arms around my stomach, the stomach I love to hate with its softness like the marshmallows I ate. Thoughts, words, and feelings course through my brain like an icy stream among bone-crushing boulders. I try to shout in vain, but no words escape these gluttonous lips. Oh, my horrendous hips are as wide as the mirror I see myself in; the same mirror I stood before when I was young and thin.

I grit my teeth and close my eyes.

I want to be beautiful again, damn it! And small and perfect in every way! I want to see my legs thin and gapped, and wrap my hand around my tiny thigh. And feel the spaces between my ribs! Feel their bumpiness under my fingertips. I miss my collar bone and the way it protruded, and the thin arms that never jiggled like grandma's jello. I miss my natural cheekbones and the beauty I possessed before bowing to the almighty cosmetics.Oh, God, those were the days....

_.....But were they REALLY?_

My breathing stops in the middle of my anorexic fancy, and I feel the clouds gathering behind my eyes.Raindrops roll down my window, and my face. I wear the same weeping face that rested upon your shoulder when you held me tight enough to suffocate the demons within me. When you swayed me, oh, how you swayed me, tenderly like a little bird on a great, big branch on a great, big tree during a violent summer's tempest. 

Slowly, I lay my head on the pillow.

Your voice sooths me like a train in the dead of night, and my lips quiver into a gleaming smile as I hear you say "I love you, always." While tonight's behemoth storm sends buildings tumbling, and the earth splits at my rumbling, the thought of you calmly protect me from the debris. The pale dust blinds me, but I can feel your arms around me; and in that moment, I could see everything. 

_This is the MONSTER I have become!_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


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